Kisah Mat Moto

Mamat moto

ni perihal sorang mamat yg baru dpt motor.. so g kekedai la nak beli minyak..dia singgah jap kedai..survey minyak..

mamat motor : bang minyak mana yg ok ni..

tokey kedai : hah.. abg syorkan guna minyak max5 ni.. pelinciran dia bagus..

mamat motor : yg lain bang..

tokey kedai : hah.. castrol ni pun ok gak.. jauh bleh pegi ni..

tokey kedai : takpun.. amik shell ni murah skit..

mamat motor : emm..

tokey kedai : kalau motor adik ni.. pakai petronas je pun dah ok..
tokey kedai : so.. adik nak beli yg mana satu ni?

mamat motor : emm..sory la bang..mak adik pesan suruh beli minyak masak seri murni je takdi..

tokey kedai : %^&*%^..aku bakar jugak budak ni ngan minyak tanah kang..

kita bako...kita bakoooooooooo huhahahaa

selamat hari minggu

tak kiamat rupanya semalam huhuh

15 sebab kenapa lelaki sentiasa happy

klu xnmpak..klik pd image laju2 k

ahaks


aku: no komen hehe

Al-Kisah Si Koboi

Al-Kisahnya begini...

Seorang Koboi Pulang Dari Sebuah Kota Dengan Menunggang Kudanya Melewati Gurun. Dia Dikejutkan Oleh Seekor Ular Yang Menghalangi Jalannya, Lalu Si Koboi Turun Dengan Pisau Ditangannya, Ketika Ditangkap Ular Itu Untuk Dibunuh Si Ular Berkata :

Si Ular : "Jangan Bunuh Saya, Saya Adalah Seorang Pari-Pari".

Si Koboi Terkejut, Dan Masih Ragu, Lalu Bertanya :

Si Koboi : "Jika Kamu Pari-Pari Apa Yang Saya Minta Akan Dikabulkan ?". Tanya Si Koboi.

Si Ular : "Jika Kamu Tidak Percaya Lepaskan Dulu Saya, Dan Apa Permintaan Kamu Wahai Koboi?". Kata Si Ular Itu.

Lalu Si Koboi Melepaskan Si Ular Itu, Lalu Dia Berkata :

Si Koboi : "Saya Mempunyai 3 (Tiga) Permintaan, Iaitu Yang Pertama, Saya Mahu Wajah Saya Hensem Macam Lionardo Dikopiko, Yang Kedua badan Saya Setegap Arnold, Yang Ketiga "Anu" Saya Sebesar "anu" Kuda Yang Saya Tunggangi Itu". Sambil Menunjukkan Jari Ke Kudanya.

Si Ular Berkata Dengan Tenang :

"Sonang Bai Tuuuu, Esok Kamu Boleh Lihat Dicermin Apa Yang Terjadi, Sudah Ya, Saya Pergi Tata Titi Tutu". Kata Si Ular Sambil Pergi Masuk Semak-Samun Dan Menghilang.

Lalu Si Koboi Itu Naik Kudanya Meneruskan Perjalanan Menuju Rumahnya. Memang Hari Sudah Lewat Dan Sesampai Di Rumah Si Koboy Berdiri Di Depan Cermin Dan Berkata :

"Besok Kalau Tidak Ada Perubahan Siaplahh!, Aku Potong Kepalamu Wahai Ularr!". Sambil Berjalan Dia Masuk Ke
Bilik Dan "Z z Z z " Ketiduran.

Keesokan Harinya Si Koboi Bangun Pagi-Pagi Dan Terus Menuju Cermin, Dan Apa Yang Terjadi, Si Koboi Tergezut Gorilla Dan Gembiraaa, Dilihatnya Wajahnya Mirip Lionardo Dikopiko Dengan Senyum Bangga, Lalu Dia Membuka Baju Melihat Badannya Sudah Berubah Dengan Otot Yang Menonjol, Dia Memperagakannya Gaya-Gaya Bodybuilder, Kemudian Dia Membuka Seluarnya Dan Dia Terkejut Triple King-Kong Sekali, Dan Berteriak :

"Tidak-Tidak. Ini Tidak Mungkin, TIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!!!".

Ternyata Dia Lupa, Dan Baru Ingat Bahawa Kuda Yang Ditungganginya Semalam Itu Adalah Kuda Betina...!!.


ahahahaaaaa......

"HARAM Hukumnya Bagi Seseorang Muslim Laki-laki Untuk Menikah Dengan Gadis Satu Kampung

Fatwa JAKIM ini telah menimbulkan perdebatan dan bantahan yang sangat sengit antara yang pro dan kontra. Bahkan banyak pihak yang menyatakan bahawa JAKIM telah mengambil keputusan yang tidak munasabah dan terburu-buru. Wartawan Berita Harian telah meminta pegawai kanan JAKIM untuk memberi ulasan yang mendalam sebab JAKIM mengeluarkan fatwa sedemikian. Inilah isi wawancara tersebut:

Wartawan: Bagaimana JAKIM boleh mengeluarkan fatwa haram untuk menikahi gadis satu kampung?

Pegawai Kanan: Bagaimana tidak haram, sedangkan menikahi empat orang wanita sahaja sudah berat, apalagi satu kampung..... .....ramai nya.!! !

hehehehehe.. .
jgn marah ye, kite pun terkena jugak. Senyum selalu... (",)

Confusing Names ???

KNOTT: "Who's calling?" was the answer to the telephone.
WATT: "Watt."
KNOTT: "What is your name, please?"
WATT: "Watt's my name."
KNOTT: "That's what I asked you. What's your name?"
WATT: "That's what I told you. Watt's my name."

A long pause, and then from Watt,

WATT: "Is this James Brown?"
KNOTT: "No, this is Knott."
WATT: "Please tell me your name."
KNOTT: "Will Knott."

YOU LEFT THE TALKERS AT A POINT WHERE THEY WERE TOTALLY CONFUSED, READTHE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED...

WATT: "Why not?"
KNOTT: "Huh? What do you mean why not?"
WATT: "Yeah! Why won't you tell me your name?"
KNOTT: "But I told you my name!"
WATT: "Didn't you say you will not?"
KNOTT: "Not not, knott, Will Knott!"
WATT: "That's what I mean."
KNOTT: "So you know my name."
WATT: "Of course not!"
KNOTT: "Good. So now, what is yours?"
WATT: "Watt. Yours?"
KNOTT: "Your name!"
WATT: "Watt's my name."
KNOTT: "How the hell do I know? I am asking you!"
WATT: "Look I have been very patient and I have told you my name and you have not even told me yours yet."
KNOTT: "You have been patient, what about me? I have told you my name so many times and it is you who have not told me yours yet.
WATT: Of course not!"
KNOTT: "See, you even know my name!"
WATT: "Of course not!"
KNOTT: "Then why do you keep saying of course Knott?"
WATT: "Because I don't."

[Pause]

KNOTT: "What is your name?"
WATT: "See, you know my name!"
KNOTT: "Of course not!"
WATT: "Then why do you keep asking Watt is your name?"
KNOTT: "To find out your name!"
WATT: "But you already know it!"
KNOTT: "What?"
WATT: "See!"
KNOTT: "And you know mine!"
WATT: "Of course not!"
KNOTT: "Exactly!"

NOW THEY ARE AT A POINT WHERE BOTH THINK THE OTHER KNOWS THEIR NAME, BUT THEY THEMSELVES DON'T KNOW THE OTHER'S NAME.

KNOTT: "Listen, listen, wait; if I asked you what your name is, what will be your answer?"
WATT: "Watt's my name."
KNOTT: "No, no, give me only one word."
WATT: "Watt"
KNOTT: "Your name!"
WATT: "Right!"

[pause before it hits him]

KNOTT: "Oh, Wright!"
WATT: "Yeah!"
KNOTT: "So why didn't you say it before?"
WATT: "I told you so many times!"
KNOTT: "You never said Wright before"
WATT: "Of course I did."
KNOTT: "Ok I won't argue any more. Do you know my name?"
WATT: "I do not."
KNOTT: "Well, there you go, now we know each other's name."
WATT: "I do not!"
KNOTT: "Good!"

[pause before it hits him]

WATT: "Oh, Guud!"
KNOTT: "Good."
WATT: "No wonder, it took me so long, is that Dutch?"
KNOTT: "No, it's Knott!"
WATT: "Oh, okay. At least the names are clear now Guud."
KNOTT: "Yes Wright."

NOW THEY BOTH THINK THEY KNOW EACH OTHER'S NAME AS WELL! Watt do you think ?? Do they or do they Knott ???

hahahaha

Rasa cam nk gelak guling2 bila aku baca nih kan Tiqah kan hahaha

pandai pulak mat salleh ni ckp melayu huhuhu

klu x nmpak sila click pd image utk tumbesaran

Kisah malam pertama

Aku yg bukak kan, pastu gosok-gosok belek-belek yg mane patut, push the right button, pastu cucuk terus main. Takde maknenye dah nak kiss kiss dulu. Aku tak tahan dah pasal lame sangat dah aku tunggu. Dekat setengah tahun jugak laaa kumpul duit…

First main terkial-kial gak laa carik tempat mane yg harus tekan. Dalam setengah jam camtuh ok dah. Dah familiar la orang kata. First time main dekat 3 jam aku balun sampai panas giler.

Hehehehe

Itu laa pengalaman malam pertama aku main PS2 mase baru beli 5 tahun sudah…


korang fikir apa?....hehee

20 Hilarious School Exam Answers

The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.These are genuine answers from 16 years old, not very bright, but entertaining, 16 years old.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

http://www.djmick.co.uk/laughs/funny-school-exam-answers/


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ada nampak tak??....
lagi skali nabilah berjaya teka huuuuuuuuu

c ya!!!